WHO WAS PHONE?

"

When I used to give speeches in favor of abolishing the draft, there was a dirty word that kept cropping up - ‘mercenary’.

A mercenary, as far as I could figure it out, was someone who did something because he wanted to. A soldier who fought for money. Or glory. Or patriotism. Or fun. The opposite of a mercenary was a draftee. Someone who fought because if he did not, he would be put in jail.

According to that definition, there are only two kinds of people. Mercenaries and slaves. I’m a mercenary.

"

- David Friedman. [1989] The Machinery of Freedom, 2nd edition (via andrealdn)

(via bitchbetterhavemyhunny)

36

(Source: an-egg, via thisblogfails)

855

donniesmadw0rld:

Literally me.

(Source: togifs, via pkmn-master-red)

187048

tomoatmeal:

I was loitering all right, but when the cop asked me about it I said no way.

“I’m just a door-to-door salesman,” I lied. “I sell Jacuzzis.”

“Do you install them, too?”

“I sure do.”

The cop then followed me into the liquor store and planted himself by the door; watching as I launched into an improvised sales pitch to the old man behind the register. I described the different shapes and styles of Jacuzzis as well as the various price ranges. I told him what was popular and what the options were with water jets.

“I think I like the one with just the two jets,” said the old man.

“Oh come on, man - two jets?!,” I shook my head, disappointed. “If you really only want two jets you may as well just run over to the hardware store and get yourself one of those little pans you soak your feet in.”

The old man laughed nervously.

“I should really talk to my wife…”

I rolled my eyes. ”Wow. You run every little decision by your wife first?”

“Fine,” he said firmly. “I’ll take the one with ten jets.”

I grinned and patted him hard on the shoulder.

“That’s what I’m talking about!”

About a week later, with the cop watching everything, I had managed to dig a pretty respectable-sized hole in the floor of the liquor store, but the work was hard and it was difficult for me to envision how to build functional water jets.

“Okay,” I said to the cop. “You win. I was loitering.”

(via stonerparty)

362

edm-life-or-die:

Walk into the library like whatup i got a weird cock

(via curiosityandconfusion)

27697

summonerscode:

Exhibit 225

Ziggs [23:48]: rengar, if you looked up pro plays in the dictionary

Ziggs [23:56]: it would say “thats not a word and you are a retard”

Ziggs [24:01]: which is true as it happens

(Thanks to Eoin for the quote!)

176

summonerscode:

Exhibit 228

Mordekaiser [14:14]: so u wont to be gank the mid lane

Taric [14:23]: do you wear a helmet when you play this game?

183

summonerscode:

Exhibit 232

Urgot [18:07]: I took a huge shit on your moms grave

(Editorial note: League of Legends, folks.)

115

summonerscode:

Exhibit 240

Karthus [15:03]: Blitz you got your teammate killed

Karthus [15:10]: You’re an evil robot

(Thanks to gummibearkullen for the quote!)

693

summonerscode:

Exhibit 249

Zed [24:24]: don’t play league if you can’t finish a game

Evelynn [24:36]: No my grandma just died…

Zed [25:05]: well

Zed [25:09]: she isn’t going anywhere

(Thanks to sins3i for the quote!)

759

summonerscode:

Exhibit 253

Sejuani [19:09]: Yes! The Freljord is mine now!

Ashe [19:32]: actually you just won a bridge in the middle of nowhere with a side serving no tactical importance whatsoever

Vayne [19:43]: have either of you tried breathing through your nose

(Thanks to Victor for the quote!)

512

(Source: quentintarantinos, via mullenator)

3500

zombiedogdoes:

All the cool kids were doing pokemon fusions so I thought I would try making one too, and this was one of the fusions I got…

—-

-STARKING-

King of the galaxy

Where is your pokemon god now?!

(via punkifiedbobthebuilder)

19335

bitcorn:

just saw a guy wearing a nirvana t-shirt lmfao i bet cant even name three noble truths of buddhism

(via inacognito)

25819

indepenisday:

Banana Knuckles (organic edible brass knuckles) with mp3 player

(via what-is-this-i-dont-even)

5447